You Belong Here: Let Me Count the Ways
[Photos by Rosminah Brown and Rob Bilson]
What is belonging? Let me think it through. It is a universal feeling; we all experience it. And here in Santa Barbara County we are abundant in people and places that offer up that sense of belonging. It could be a full weekend getaway to Wine Country or a visit to your favorite tasting room to pick up your club shipment, mingling with fellow wine lovers from near and far. It could be sitting on a porch, feeling peace at the sight of the ocean or mountains, or gathering with friends for a picnic and movie at the Sunken Gardens of the courthouse in summertime. It could be that moment you first came here, for school, work or family, and realized this is the place where you wanted to spend the rest of your life. It could be a place you’ve known for your whole life. There’s something about the mild weather, the open spaces, how fertile this area is for fresh seafood and vibrant produce—it all makes the area so amazing to live in. Let me tell you some of the ways that help me feel a sense of belonging.
B-E-L-O-N-G-I-N-G
Are you ready? I’m ready. OK, let’s do this.
B is for bar. A place where people meet up and unwind at the end of the day. It’s a spot to socialize and engage with friends and strangers alike. It can be boisterous and busy. B is also the bartender, who serves up the tipple. The bar isn’t limited to cocktails. It can be the wine bar, the raw bar, the pizza bar. No matter the bar, it allows one to join into a communal space. As the jingle goes, it’s the place where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came.
B is also for bowls. It is a pleasure to see your food contained in a bowl, and it’s no small joy to see large, generous bowls offered in place of a plate. Holding a bowl offers a sense of plenty and sharing. A gift of a bowl is a gesture of optimism. Take this, fill it, share it. I enjoy taking a bowl somewhere and leaving it there; maybe it’ll come back to me, maybe it won’t. It frames its contents with gentle curves. It embodies its prize inside. B is for balance. When you feel like you belong somewhere, you feel at home.
E is for everyone. We are a communal species, and we grow when we collaborate and exist together. E is for eating, and every creature wants something good to eat, says my friend Roy. We seek good food; our taste buds help us to sip and savor.
E is for extrovert and events, and these often seem to go hand in hand. E is for experience, and that’s what these events create.
L is for the long table, where we dine together. Just look at all the gatherings where tables are strung together for a big, shared meal and lively conversation. The annual Goleta Dam Dinner, supper clubs, or even your own holiday meals. L is also for the lazy Susan on a big round table. Both embrace the idea of sharing and negotiating shared dishes amongst each other. Pass the bowl: You stay seated at the table and everyone else joins in the motion of getting that dish down to you. Or set your teacup on the lazy Susan and it will circle ’round the table and return to you full. That’s the way a big group meets for yum cha and enjoys small bites of dim sum for Chinese brunch.
O is for organic. We know by now that food grown the organic way tastes better, makes you feel better, and is better for the environment around you and for the people involved in bringing it to your table.
N is for native and naturalized. What does that have to do with belonging? Bear with me here: I get to call myself a “native Santa Barbaran” because I was born here (Cottage Hospital baby!), while so much of the local population is naturalized. People came here for any number of reasons and decided to stay. Is one group more entitled to be here than the other? I left for vacation, school, and work, then chose to return—and I will say upfront it’s an incredible privilege to call Santa Barbara home. I hope you think the same thing. Stay for the day, or for many years. We all can belong here.
G is for gathering. Also generosity and growing. Do you tend a garden? Santa Barbara County has a prolific 12-month growing season, and most plants thrive here, whether it’s a small vegetable plot, a handful of grapevines, or miles upon miles of agricultural fields that produce our strawberries, avocados or wine. Our farmers markets embody all elements of gathering, generosity and growing. When was the last time you visited one? There’s a certified farmers market going on nearly every day in our county. Go there with friends, go there on a mission to feed your family or for your business. Or, if you’re the farmer—thank you! We couldn’t do this without you.
I is for feeling included. Do you remember that time you walked into a busy room, lost in the sea of faces and noise? Then you saw your friends and they waved you over. That sense of relief and joy at the recognition, it’s powerful. That’s belonging. I is also for invitation, and initiate. Take your bag off the spare chair next to you, and now you’re the one extending the offer to be included.
N is for nostalgia. The smell of your grandmother’s cookies. The campfire smell from the family trip to the lake. The taste of pumpkin pie and the first warming butternut squash soup of autumn. Nostalgia tickles a little pocket of memory in your brain and fires off both an appreciation for The Thing, and the memory of The Thing. It’s a value-add!
The final G is for genuine, which is being authentic and sincere. We are drawn to genuine people because they are their authentic selves, and it feels good to be around them. Your crew of family or friends—the friends you grew up with or the friends you make along the way. They are the people who you felt you belonged with.
Every time I left Santa Barbara when I was younger it was to visit family or school far away, including such destinations as Hong Kong, China, Bali, England, Borneo, South Africa … my list is long. Making friends for life, or friends in the moment. It’s funny, in a way, that often on those travels I meet other Santa Barbarans, and we are always surprised to find each other, yet often are drawn to each other. That’s another thing about traveling. The sense of excitement at heading out for something new and different, and as the vacation time comes to end we start missing all the things we love about home, like family pets, our own bed, the smells and sounds that are most familiar to us. It’s time to go home. Then: Welcome home! Hello, you belong here. I’ve missed you. That’s the feeling I get in Santa Barbara now.
